![]() The most basic Blowjob Formula = S - (D + E) ![]() More amazingly, a few years ago, a guy on Reddit claimed he had the perfect blow-job formula: Still, men who answer this question online say they want it to last anywhere from two minutes (correct) to an hour (ludicrous). Men feel a lot of pressure during penetrative intercourse to outperform their last time trial, so theoretically, the quick blow job should be a win-win for men and women everywhere, because it’s the only place where being a minute man is a good thing. This isn’t just to the advantage of lazy women everywhere. Sure, you can draw it out to be playful and fun, but it shouldn’t be a chore. Like pop music, they should be fast, urgent and high-energy. ![]() Then, there’s all the stuff that makes it take too long:īut if you get lucky and none of this stuff is working against you, and you haven’t ended up down on your knees to blow someone who thinks sex is an art project where two mammals shed a molten skin together before re-emerging as a single-celled amoeba, then your math gets pretty easy.īlow jobs, to me, are the oral equivalent of a quickie. Rolling around naked in an ayahuasca-induced trance.Sweet talking that thing and romancing it into attention.I realize it’s a tad more complicated than this, because there are other factors. If most men want seven minutes because that’s normal come time, but I’d prefer to only go for two, five is our best midpoint. ![]() A blow job should split the difference between how long he wants it and how long the other person wants to give it. “That’s 10 minutes of teasing, licking and sucking,” she said. Meaning under seven minutes makes solid sense for a beej.Īnother sex therapist cited by Glamour, Debra Laino, added that 10 minutes is ideal for sealing the deal, but not 10 minutes of single-minded head bobbing. Meanwhile, sex therapist Ian Kerner told Glamour that ideal blow job length is “not as long as most porn makes it out to be,” and notes that most intercourse for men lasts about five to seven minutes. “If blow jobs only lasted seven minutes,” they write, “more women would enjoy giving them and men would receive them at a higher frequency.” What isn’t coming is you, and that’s the problem. Next comes boredom, then comes annoyance. The Frisky argues that seven minutes is their hard-stop (excuse the pun) because five minutes is when all that motion and interpretation about what is and isn’t working starts to wear a girl down. Sure, it’s a meditation… On how quickly you can come so we can get to dinner. When I put the question out on Facebook as to how long a beej should last, our own Tierney Finster replied, “12 to 14 mins.” Aghast, I told her this was easily double the going rate of blow jobs, which as recent as this week, women’s site The Frisky argued should never exceed seven minutes. I don’t mean to make it sound clinical and perfunctory, but we lead busy, complicated lives here. When I’m talking about a blow job, I mean exactly the mouth-to-dick contact required until he launches his wad and you can let off the gas pedal and dismount. But common sense suggests that it should take no longer than the amount of time one would spend preparing a Hot Pocket.īut to truly solve this ancient riddle, we must first define our terms. It’s an age-old question that women and men have pondered, debated and wrestled with since time immemorial: When you go down on a dick, how long do you have to stay on that thing? Reality suggests it’s whatever it takes.
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